December 20, 2008
Worries...
Things can change in an instant. Up until now, that thought of becoming a mother has been nothing but fun, exciting, and hard to comprehend, but today...today, I'm nervous. A mom! I've never been a mom before. I have a great one, and know so many great ones and worry that I won't be able to live up to that. I worry that I'm going to wake up to a baby with a 103 degree temperature and not know what to do. I'm afraid my kid's going to be unhappy. I'm afraid to be a bad mommy! I worry that I won't know the answers to their questions, that I'll forget to do their laundry, that I'll name them something stupid, that I'll forget to kiss them everyday, that I'll accidently forget to feed them, that I'll get frustrated, that I'll be one of those "yelling mommies in the store", but most of all, that I'll forget how important my job is....that I'll not live up to this amazing, eternal, and terrifyingly humbling experience that's awaiting me. I think I need my mommy.
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4 comments:
Don't worry. You will be a wonderful mom. Just look at the example we grew up with. With that example I don't think you can be anything but great. Plus Mom will be there to call when the baby is sick. Your kid won't be unhappy because besides his two loving parents he will have several grandparents and TONS of aunts and uncles who will love him tremendously. You don't have to know all the answers to his questions. Who cares if you forget to do the laundry. You won't name him something stupid because I will name him. :) He'll get more kisses in a day then he'll know what to do with. You won't forget to feed him because he'll let you know if you do. It's normal to get frustrated and if you make a mistake and yell at him then you get the opportunity to apologize to him for yelling. I think too many parents try to give their children the idea that they don't make mistakes and therefore don't apologize to their children but I think that's important to do when you make a mistake. It shows them that it's okay to make mistakes and a good example of repentance. It may be normal to be nervous but you have no reason to fear.
Umm... I'm pretty sure I'm done (almost) all of those things. But I know I'm still a good mom. I think you can't go into it with the idea that you'll screw it all up, but you also have to let go of the hope that you will be the first and only perfect mother that ever was. Neither of those things will happen. But you... will be fantastic.
You will wake up to a baby with a 103 temp. You won’t know what to do. It will be in the middle of the night on a Sunday. On Christmas Eve. During a snowstorm, a power outage, and when your gas tank is empty.
Your kid will be unhappy at one point or another. There may be days that you are, indeed, a bad mommy. Because kids just know which buttons to push. You won’t know the answers to their questions, sometimes. You will forget to do their laundry. And it will probably be right before a big game or dance recital. Some creep will find a stupid nickname for whatever name you choose. You may one day forget to kiss them, and it just might be on a day that they need it most. You will forget to pack Cheerios in your bag on the day your baby is their crankiest. You will get frustrated. Often. Some day, as much you hope otherwise, you will be one of those yelling moms at the store. And someone will shake their head at you for being to harsh. Someone else will shake their head at you for being too lenient.
On the day you come home from the hospital, they’ll send you home with a list of baby-related instructions. How to clean their belly button. How many times a day they should be pooping. What the instruction manual won’t talk about is… how projectile vomit can stretch down a hallway. How sleep deprivation can make you very scary to be around. How you will never own anything nice again, at least until they move out. How when you yell at your kid for the first time, you might just have to go to your room and shed a few tears of your own.
Motherhood is frightening. Daily. But the good days will far outnumber the bad.
I agree with Jennifer, no matter how you discipline your child, someone will always be standing nearby shaking their head. Forget them!
I tried to find experts on particular things among my friends and my relatives. My sister was the nursing and attachment parenting expert. My mom was the, "did this happen to you?" expert. I can't remember everything, but I asked her a lot of little questions. I also asked Liz S. a lot of little questions too.
I also found a lot of 3AM and the baby won't stop crying answers on babycenter.com from other moms who were also up at 3am and chatting in one of their chat rooms.
If you need a food allergy expert, that's me ;) I had the wonderful experience of rushing a 5 month old whose throat was swelling shut to the ER in the middle of the night because I did not understand his milk allergy. Now I know!
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